I vow to love you But I am afraid
My heart and soul are wounded
The only team sport I play
Is on a field far from home
I only play to win
I cannot go the distance with you
Only watch from the sidelines
Making occasional comments or
Racing in to change a prop or two
I cannot truly participate
For what would happen if I bound my soul to yours
And lived as if two were one?
No, the risk is too great
I will pretend instead I have nothing to offer
And keep secure the illusion I am free
I vow to be with you
Until somewhere I’d rather be takes me away
My commitment is steadily unstable
Like vapor, my interests rise and dissipate
I make you wrong for wanting more
I minimize your intelligence and worse
Your evolution
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones
This is true
The stones I throw shatter and destroy me
I am impoverished
Yearning to be alive in the deepest ways
I walk with fear as my companion
Abandoning courage for false security
I cannot love with abandon
Ever counting the return on my investment
I have built a compound
Of lofty ideas that will never take root
While thirsting for waters of love actualized
And out of my emptiness without you
I embrace the unthinkable
